“This is a new low in Joe Biden’s America, folks. Used to be PetSmart sold quality, American-made products like horse-derived kibble and tennis balls sprayed with lead-based paint. Not anymore. Not only that, but on a cursory visit to PetSmart.com, I was greeted by a webpage proudly saying ‘Groomers Wanted.’ Disgusting!

Radical democrats, no doubt emboldened by their highly organized and highly successful attempts to do the things I claim they do, are now mobilizing groomers out in the open. We’ll free associate about this for the next hour, but when we get back from this Cash4Gold commercial I’ll declare once and for all that I certainly, emphatically DO NOT want to fuck the Green M&M."